So, what do you think you'll do in the new year? This is what I'm SURE I'll do!

1. Go to the moon and ride moon unicorns [or Moonicorns for the trendy word-mashers.]
2. Make a hojillion dollars for being a super fantabulous artist or just a good person or maybe both!
3. Walk around in a shiny glitter suit with a shiny glitter tophat [and hopefully a really boss mustache], distributing my hojillions in reasonably substantial portions to the needy.
4. Finish a video game.
5. Remember the mathematical formula involving apples and oranges that proves that reality is broken.
6. Discover the cure for incurable things! [Or wiping the word 'incurable' from the dictionary. And thesaurus. And internets.]
7. Have rainbows and kittens shoot out of my fingertips, inspiring people to love one another and also ensuring world peace and good will towards fellow maninmals and animals!
8. Finally discover the exact formula of the addictive chemical in Doritos!
9. Have a very in-depth conversation over tea with a mermaid about sea and land relations and how they could be improved, possibly with the strategic employment of a large cheese wheel and some very fancy headbands.
10. Go on a fantastic journey on the back of a giraffe, at some point picking apples off of really tall trees and maybe giving some to that shop keeper in Agrabah.


These are not goals or resolutions, they are obvious truths of the future! What are yours?!